THERE'S ALWAYS MORE

WILL IT EVER END

I am one of those people who has found it difficult to listen when I'm being lectured about living my life. Anyone who knows me well can tell you of how they have struggled to get me to listen from family, friends, colleagues there's one phrase they all repeatedly yelled at me:

"Oh Grow up Vuyo!"

To me, this phrase meant nothing because in my "mind," that's what I'd always been doing in my life GROWING UP and did not seem to be bringing anything good, just people yelling and expecting more from you.

Then something profound and unexpected suddenly occurred in my life, I got job. It's a blessing that came in fold and I could not have imagined how my life would soon change, I guess when the unexpected occurs one should expect the unexpected. For me at the time, I was finally going to make some money, leave home and with my father being sick I would finally help out. It was an exciting moment for everyone, and they repeated the same old phrase: you are finally "growing up."

At times I ask myself, would life had been different if I truly understood what the phrase that everyone kept on using meant? Even not directed at me sometimes but to older people than me who I considered to be "grown" ups.

My favorite spiritual growth author Iyanla Vanzant, who I pray the lord keeps blessing, describes growth as a "profound experience which can be beautiful and ugly, empowering and confining, thought-provoking and mind-boggling, pleasant and unpleasant, all of the same time."

Was I ever going to be ready for such profoundness with dynamic elements of uncertainty? All I had at the time was the innocence of a young man finally making something out of himself and who saw only a bright future ahead. What I did not posses at the time however, was the knowledge of the fact that "there's always more."

My father passing away a few years back seem to have triggered events in my life that I would describe as the profound "test of the unexpected." That's when the "unexpected" comes back to haunt you, not like it came the first time bearing a life full of promises, but it comes to remind you of what true pain is.

To truly understand what I mean by being tested, here is a poem you might be familiar with to give you a clear picture.

By Kahlil Gibran

On pain

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the

sun, so must you know pain.

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life,

your pain would no seem less wondrous than your joy;

And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always

accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter portion by which the physician

within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility:

For his hand, though heavy and harsh, is guided by the tender hand

of the Unseen,

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which

Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

At first I felt like Job's wife of the Christian Bible, just to "curse God and die." I loved my father, he was the most wonderful dad with such a good heart who had so much love. It felt like He didn't give him enough time, He didn't give me time! I was left with only two months to come back home from deployment, if I had enough time I could have at least said my goodbyes.

"There is more of you waiting to unfold. There is more about the world you desire to understand. There are more people coming into your life, and you are gaining knowledge about yourself through your experiences with them. There is so much more, so much new information coming your way that you are continually being reminded that you owe it to yourself to receive these new insights" - Iyanla Vanzant

When I bought the book, Until Today! I could not imagine it conceptualizing my experience like that, in fact I was looking for another book, Acts of faith, because of the books' 25th anniversary and the buzz around it. When I read the passage I was amazed at how I had actually "grown up" to a point of opening up to lessons about living my life. I also realized that through time I healed and all that I needed was to just changed my mindset, and see obstacles as learning experiences no matter how painful they may be. Because my dad's passing away was not the end of me, not the end of life's bitter or sweet times, there is still much more to learn! That's why "growth" has became my top priority because there are so many "profound tests" of life which provide opportunity to gain knowledge, and I owe to myself to receive these new insights.

I encourage anyone who decides to make growth their top priority, as life experiences provide us with new insights and we all owe it to ourselves to receive them, because there's always more.

BLESS YOU!